Was looking through my previous posts, and found my self reread this post. Let me quote a part of that post here.
i have some classic and typical dream such as, having a good job, getting married to a girl of my dream, having children etc.
Yes, at the time i wrote that post i was still considering them as one of my dreams. But after months of thinking and self-analyzing, i don’t consider them as “dream” anymore. Now i prefer to consider that kinda path of life, as my last resort when all of the other paths are blocked or unavailable anymore.
why?
First, it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that working as a corporate employee just isn’t my thing. I feel that working in an office won’t suit me well. Working for a company for their profit, doing what i’m asked to for the company sakes, getting paid but no freedom. I’m not sure whether i could keep myself happy doing that kind of stuffs.
Second, talking about happiness, i guess i’ve found one of my key to happiness. It is doing something for others. It’s often that i found myself tend not to put the best effort when doing things for my own sake, for example when working with individual project. But when the output is related to the needs of the others such as doing group work or helping newcomers to get use to life in new place, i will try my best, even put 110% effort not to let the others get disappointed or let them down. And i’m enjoying it, i love when the output can satisfy everyone and see smile on their faces. These made me thinking of doing volunteer things. The problem is whether i have enough courage to choose this path. By doing volunteer i’m sure that i could make enough for myself, but am i ready to exchange all the luxuries i have now with the whole new challenges and hard works needed in these field of work?
Third, talking about love and marriage. Looking back on my experience so far, i realized something. At this present time, what is important to me , is that there is a person(s) i can caring of, someone to take care of, someone to love*, someone to think of. But, this person(s) doesn’t have to be my girlfriend. Because i don’t expect this person(s) to have a special feeling toward me. Simple thank and a smile would be more than enough for me. Having this kinda person(s), gives me strength, gives me motivations. And this also allow me to keep my freedom, i am not tied to one person, i am free to do what i wanna do.** Although this concept is still new to me, but for now i do really think that being a single is not a bad choice at all, i really enjoy it.***
I know, those reasons above sound like excuses for not having courage to work as others do, sound childish and showing my immaturity. But this is what i’m feeling now. Still cannot escape from quarter-life crisis.****
The other problem is that i still want to stay in Japan for a while after graduation, means that i should find work here otherwise i won’t be able to extend my resident visa. So it is likely in 2 years time, you will see me working for a japanese company. sigh (><)
Okay let’s change the topic a bit and let me quote another part from the previous past above.
yeah, that’s the problem, i just realized that i don’t even have a dream to realize!
This was 2 years ago, now i have a dream! It is not a dream to be realized in the near future though. My dream is to run a bakery or a cake shop. I don’t wanna make it as an income source, i just wanna do it as a hobby. So it should be realized in the latter half of my life, when i’m already settled and don’t have another thing to do. Having been raised with home-made breads and cookies made me familiar with bread-making processes, and let me develop a deep interest in baking. Having interest in baking doesn’t mean that i’m a good baker though. I’m still not good at baking, okay i could bake some basic cake or bread. But the bread and cake i make is nowhere compare to the cake or bread sold in the shop. So i still need to learn a lot before i could realize my dream.
Okay, i should stop here, it’s quite long enough for now.
* love as in “i love my parents”, not love as in “i love my GF”
** not 100% free without any restriction though, i’m a roman catholic and believe in God, i’m obeying rules, i’m respecting others privileges
*** of course this doesn’t mean that i’ve decided to be a single for life
****because i’m still 25, i don’t think “mid-life crisis” will suit here
A bunch of footnotes, hahaa. I like this post! It’s just heartwarming to know that sincerity lies in every little thing that you do. (: Anyways, just like u said, “a quaterlife-crisis”. I hope that eventually*, you will figure out what’s best for you and the people around you. Just believe that you’ll always be guided, like how He has guided you through all along(:
*probably 3-5 years down the road
>tepi
thanks! (have a big grin on my face now hehehe)
yeah, hope i’ll be able to figure it out soon*. feel a bit tired worrying continuously. still have to work out more with my faith, and i wish i could be as religious as you.
*3-5 years maybe a bit too long
You know, I was smiling when I was reading this post. Know why? I’ve just decided recently, to dedicate myself to serving the community more too. I don’t want to work for money but to work in making people’s life better. Glad to see that you’ve decided to choose this road. I’m sure this would make your life more fulfilling in many ways.
As for love, it’s true you don’t need someone to be your gf for you to love them. True love is wanting that someone to be happy, to have the best in life. It’s not about wanting that person for yourself.
Anyway, ganbarou ne!
Harunodo…
After the after-a-long-time long conversation (hey, is it Eng-lis?), and reading through, as my mouse scrolls, I realize that once I’ve been thinking of similiar things like what you mentioned in your first and second point (minus the volunteer stuff, tho–so far/*?*/).
Sometimes, we look for the answers by going far far away, for any hint and clue which looks perfect but could be meaningless for us. Anyway, sometimes we also forget to look at ourselves, to find that the truth lies down under our pure feelings: it’s inside the heart! (isnt it? Hehehe)
If you watched Honey and Clover, you might have know the 自分探す旅行. The thing is: it’s not how far we’ve been, but how deep you know yourlself kkk,,, I wish I had time for that 旅行 for myself, too.